Episode 17: Xenogears Part 1—Total S in the Gas Chamber
A very long game means a very long episode! To avoid subjecting our listeners to a four hour episode, Xenogears has been broken up into two parts. Part two and a full review will be online in a few weeks. For now, here’s some advice for other people planning to marathon Xenogears:
- Everything will take at least twice as long as you planned. If you want to get through this game in one four day weekend, you may need to give up on sleeping, bathing, and going to the bathroom.
- Enjoy the first 15 hours of the game while you can—Hammer is coming and it’s all downhill from there. Bro.
- Mistrust any stuffed animal that the characters describe as “lukewarm.”
- Soylent Green is people! Wells were people! Your Gear is made of out of people! Assume that EVERYTHING in this game is people. Your console is people. Your controller is people. YOU’RE PEOPLE.
- You can’t go wrong with Shotgunnova’s Walkthrough. Come for the dungeon maps, stay for observations such as Hammer being ”a pince-nez-wearin' crossbreed between Splinter from TMNT and Joe Camel.”
- Know that Xenogears will never pass up an opportunity to traumatize the party members. Or the player.
- Take a moment to appreciate the times when all the party members are together and you can choose which of them you want in a fight. These are rarer than you think.
- Take advantage of these when you can: They get rarer the farther into the game you get.
- Remember that Citan is an asshole.
- Have fun! And a lot of booze.
Shotgunnova’s description is accurate. Bro.
RPG Roundup Theme Song: "Video Game Theme," J. Arthur Keenes Band. Creative Commons Attribution License.